Twilight Widower

Occasionally my wife will want to get me involved in her Twilight mania. I resist this a much as possible. Below is a conversation that we recently had and how I got away from Twilight.

Wife: Did you see this new video that they released today
Me: yeah
Wife: I wish the people who take these videos would learn to hold the camera steady.
Me: I know.
Wife: Oh they have a video of Robert Pattinson leaving his hotel.
Me: Wow
Wife: What do you think about that.
Me: About what?
Wife: About what I just said.
Me: Damn it thats 12 ooze covered bags that have dropped and still no disgusting ooze.
Wife: WHAT?!?!?!
Me: Oh I’m sorry did you say something.
Wife: (face starts turning red)
Me: (Does not notice her face turning red)
Wife: Did you hear anything I said?
Me: Yes.
Wife: what did I say?
Me: Blah blah Robert Patterson, blah blah new video, blah blah new pictures.
Wife: (eyes start to blaze)
Me: (still doesn’t not notice anything)
Wife: You didn’t hear a single word I said.
Me: Yes I did, it was all about Robert Patterson
Wife: PATTINSON!!! How do you know I was talking about Robert Pattinson?
Me: Was it about Robert Pattinson?
Wife: Thats not the point.
Me: Yes it is. If you where talking about Robert Pattinson then their is nothing to argue about. If you where talking about something else then I was ignoring you. If I am correct then why are you mad.
Wife: I’m not mad
Me: (Finally notices red face and bulging eyes) Would you like to play World of Warcraft with me.
Wife: (Has a blank look of confusion on her face)
Me: It a really good game. With a friend account you can level really quickly.
Wife: What?
Me: See you don’t listen to anything I say.

Today, I am going to explain another way to annoy your wife. The first time I saw dipshit aka Robert Pattinson was in Harry Potter when he played Cedric Diggory. I thought the makeup was very unusual, but come to find out it was not makeup and just his normal face. I am going to go through my train of thought to see if you come to the same conclusion as I did.

Does this picture below look familiar?

If you said a woolly worm you are correct, but doesn’t it look like something else also? Look below and tell me if they look similar.

To me these look very similar. In fact this is why my wife hates going walking with me. At this time of the year, woolly worms are out everywhere, and the same conversation happens.

Me: Hey look its its Robert Pattersons eyebrow.

Her: PATTINSON!!!

Me: Dipshit

She looks down, rolls her eyes, walks ahead of me, and puts her head phones on so she can listen to New Moon again.

My image of him is below.

Yes I know the questions you are thinking and the answer is yes, she does own all 4 books and all 4 audio books.

Yes I know everyones wife talks constantly about Robert Pattinson. To try and stop this I have found an easy way to annoy your wife and make her stop talking about him. Granted she will be yelling at you so I’m not sure how affective this approach is at getting your wife back.

Any time your wife starts ask one question. “What is so great about Robert Patterson?” She will think you just said his name wrong so she going to yell out “Pattinson!” At this point I add saying “Ok, Ok  whats so great about dipshit?” Suffice to say my wife doesn’t talk to me about dipshit anymore.