Twilight Widower

My wife like many of yours was going on and on about dipshit aka Robert the other day. She finally noticed I was just nodding my head and occasionally saying yeah or wow. So she smacks my arm and says “Hey you need to vote”. I’m thinking I did vote. Come to find out she wasn’t talking about anything important, just the MTV Movie Awards. Apparently Jacob is ahead of Edward for the Male Breakthrough Performance. To my surprise she really thought that I should go vote right then. This was an emergency. I needed to go to my computer, create an account, and vote. To my delight she didn’t say who I needed to vote for. I said “I will vote later”. My brain starting thinking about evil things. Later that day I looked up the MTV awards and checked out the voting page. To my surprise it was filled with crappy movies. All my evil thoughts left my head. I couldn’t vote for any of that crap. So I waited.

The next day comes and my wife starts asking me if I voted. I told her no but I looked at the page, that seemed to please her. I thought a little more on what to do then it hit me. I go to my computer and suffer through their account creation page. go to the voting page and vote. As I am at my computer I tell her I voted. She comes over just like I knew she would to check. She looks at my screen and is instantly mad. “YOU VOTED FOR JACOB!” she screams. I muster all the willpower I have to look surprised and say “Yeah I thought that’s what you wanted. You want Twilight actors to have the top spots right? I thought Edward should be in the lead so I voted for Jacob to try to get him in second place.” She just looks at me for a short time and says “Jacob is in the lead!” I let me face show surprise and say “Really, cool then Twilight has the top two spots.” I turn back to my computer and start WOW.

WARNING: You may be forced to sleep on the couch for a week if you conduct this experiment.

I have always wondered what my wife would do if I acted the same way she did toward Edward, but to a woman. Like the old saying goes “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander”. So begins my experiment.

Step 1: Wait until my wife asked me to watch Twilight, it didn’t take long.

Step 2: I just watched the movie until Alice shows up. I didn’t say anything, I just did what she had been doing the entire movie when she saw Edward, I sighed. I didn’t look at her or act like I had done it.I continued to do this every time I saw Alice, just like she did every time she saw Edward. I don’t think she noticed, or she thought I really did not want to watch the movie.

Step 3: When Alice would be walking away or bend over I would go “MMM”. Again I did not look at my wife or show any sign that I had done it.She noticed this but didn’t say anything about it.

Step 4: At the part of the movie where Alice hugs Bella I said “MMM I wish she would hug me like that”. This really got my wifes attention.

Results: She paused the move and just stared at me with her mouth open. It tool her a few seconds before she spoke. She starts to tell me how I am ruining the movie by doing things like that. She said she can’t watch the movie because of me. At this point I can’t keep from laughing any longer. I start laughing and I could almost see fire shoot from her eyes. It took her a few seconds but she realized what I was doing. The conversation went as follows:

Her: That wasn’t funny.

Me: Hey I did what you do every time you watch that movie.

Her: I do not make those sounds.

Me: Sure sure

I’m was still laughing so she unpaused the movie and turned the volume up. I love it when my experiments succeed.

As many of you are experiencing, your signification other is suffering for an obsession that is irrational. I have seen obsessions and hysteria before but this is going over the top. I made this website to try to help others and myself through it troubled time. For to long have we had to suffer alone but now we have a place to raise up and shout “I WANT MY WIFE BACK”. Just don’t say it to loud, you may disturb your wifes 12th time reading Twilight.