Twilight Widower

My wife has found something new to obsess about. As many of your wifes/girlfriends may also have. A video has been released of Robert Pattinsons butt crack. Yes you heard me right, a butt crack has all the women going crazy. My wife has always hatted all forms of butt crack displays in the past. I remember the Jenny Mccarthy commercials where she show her butt crack next to a plummer. She hatted them. But now that Robert Pattinson has a video out she can’t get enough. If you would like you can watch it here. I have seen so many posts of people saying that it is stupid or retarded but the youtube video has crap load of views. To all the ladies that are saying it is retarded and stupid I would like to say this. Thou does protest too much!

Occasionally my wife will want to get me involved in her Twilight mania. I resist this a much as possible. Below is a conversation that we recently had and how I got away from Twilight.

Wife: Did you see this new video that they released today
Me: yeah
Wife: I wish the people who take these videos would learn to hold the camera steady.
Me: I know.
Wife: Oh they have a video of Robert Pattinson leaving his hotel.
Me: Wow
Wife: What do you think about that.
Me: About what?
Wife: About what I just said.
Me: Damn it thats 12 ooze covered bags that have dropped and still no disgusting ooze.
Wife: WHAT?!?!?!
Me: Oh I’m sorry did you say something.
Wife: (face starts turning red)
Me: (Does not notice her face turning red)
Wife: Did you hear anything I said?
Me: Yes.
Wife: what did I say?
Me: Blah blah Robert Patterson, blah blah new video, blah blah new pictures.
Wife: (eyes start to blaze)
Me: (still doesn’t not notice anything)
Wife: You didn’t hear a single word I said.
Me: Yes I did, it was all about Robert Patterson
Wife: PATTINSON!!! How do you know I was talking about Robert Pattinson?
Me: Was it about Robert Pattinson?
Wife: Thats not the point.
Me: Yes it is. If you where talking about Robert Pattinson then their is nothing to argue about. If you where talking about something else then I was ignoring you. If I am correct then why are you mad.
Wife: I’m not mad
Me: (Finally notices red face and bulging eyes) Would you like to play World of Warcraft with me.
Wife: (Has a blank look of confusion on her face)
Me: It a really good game. With a friend account you can level really quickly.
Wife: What?
Me: See you don’t listen to anything I say.

As most of you already know, Sunday was the MTV Movie Awards. Also as your probably know, Twilight did very well. My wife gave me a play by play on everything. I kept trying to get her to quiet down because I couldn’t hear my fish bobble (I am trying to get the sea turtle mount in World of Warcraft). I would occasionally watch something the my wife would show me, and it did appear to be humorous but not laugh out loud funny.

Before the MTV Movie Awards started, there seemed to be controversy or there was something that annoyed my wife. From what I understand, they kept rearranging the seating assignments. At first, they had Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sitting next to each other which made my wife happy — not sure why. I don’t think they are going to start making out or act out scenes from the New Moon movie. Then, they changed it so Robert Pattinson and Paris Hilton where sitting together, this annoyed my wife. Again not sure why, was she afraid Paris Hilton was going to jump him there? Then, they changed it back to Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sitting next to each other. To me, this seemed stupid and I would not have cared, but it was something that annoyed my wife.

I would like to make a few points on the things I saw on the MTV Music Awards.

1. The trailer for New Moon was crap. Yes, I know its a teaser trailer but the action scenes that they showed sucked. Also, is it just me or did the wolf seem a little too cuddly when Jacob transformed. My first thought was “Ahh, look at the cute doggy”.

2. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart not kissing when they won the award was funny as hell. My wife was screaming “Yes Yes they are going to do it.”. I ran over to look at what she was watching and was very disappointed. I thought we might have been watching a porno movie but no luck. She really wanted to watch them kiss but at least I got a laugh out of it.

3. Jim Carrey is still funny as hell.

4. Kristen Stewart dropping the award wasn’t that funny. Okay, I take it back it was funny as hell. The only thing that would have been better is if they told her that one was hers.

5. The Harry Potter movies are past their prime. The target age group has grown out of them and attracting a new audiance at this time is too late. When Hermione Granger becomes a sex symbol, you know you have waited to long.

I think all 5 of those things added up to maybe 15 min of total watching time for the MTV Music Awards. I know my wife told me about more stuff, but I just have to get the Leading the Cavalry achievement in World of Warcraft.

My wife sent me to an article the other day about Robert Pattinson, and I couldn’t believe it. Robert and I have something in common. The article was all about a pic that someone had taken. I have the pic included below so you will know what I am talking about. As you can see it appears to shows Robert staring at the chest of his companion.

Now I found this very humorous, not the fact that he was staring at the girls chest but the reaction all the women are having to it. I mean come on ladies would you prefer he was staring at a guys junk. I know all of you are jealous that he wasn’t staring at your boobs, but give it time if he is like me (and 99% of the other guys out their) he will stair at them the first chance he gets. A tip to get him to stair quicker, wear a low cut shirt it makes it easier.

I have seen some posters on these sites saying that he wasn’t looking at her chest but something in front of her. Yes go ahead and believe that. I don’t want to reverse what your boyfriend/husband has accomplished in convincing you of that when he does it.

Now don’t start thinking men or pigs or anything like that. I have seen you ladies stair at Robets picutres and drool over them. I once saw a woman walk past a stand for Twilight and just stop dead and stair at the picture of Robert for a solid Minuit. I don’t want to know what was going through her mind from the look on her face. It reminded reminded me of the wolf from the looney tunes cartoon Swing Shift Cinderela.